My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
She told me I should be a condom model.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
