im six kinds of drunk right now
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
