remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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