Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
At least life still wants to fuck me.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize
