I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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