I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
