when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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