whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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