I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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