She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
