I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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