I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
