who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
