i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
