Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
