Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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