so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize