we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
even my farts smell like vagina
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
