Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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