is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
