One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
