handjob tips. give me some.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
