We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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