remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
