You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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