If i could tip my vagina, i would.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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