Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
