So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
