We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
