I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize