My girlfriend figured out who you are.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
