if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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