Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
he was CRYING into my vagina
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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