I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
We are two peas in an std pod
You're like the curious george of whores
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
