I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Randomize
