I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Randomize
