i jhust puked up my retainher.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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