Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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