You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
