No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I deserve this hangover.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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