He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
