Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
