Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
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