I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
