your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
