He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
