ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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