I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
