no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
