i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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