Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
the night ended with taco bell and tears
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
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