I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
