And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
