...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
