and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
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