I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
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