If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
