I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
