Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
