Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
