false alarm. still invincible.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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