He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
