I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
