i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Randomize
