Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Hippo gnu deer
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Randomize
