you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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