I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
