I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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