just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
