dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
