Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
