I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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