i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
